LOVELove is in this present moment. Where am I now? Who am I? And what communication and conflict transformation skills do I need to develop?To be able to hold folks in loving accountability in the now moment, is an act of love and a necessity in white folks ability in building capacity in this work. Deep listening, asking questions, staying in a hard conversation, not to resolve, but to be transformed.  I have had to learn to accept conflict is just part of being human.  I have had to learn how my pattern of conflict avoidance and passive aggression was learned.  And therefore, I must choose to push past the discomfort and default of not saying anything. Not speaking up for myself and my feelings, and how race does also affect me and my life.  But also not speaking up around injustice and in solidarity with those with more marginalized identities in the room.  I had to see the very dangerous dynamic that kept me quiet, unable to receive feedback and unwilling to take a risk. All at the same time, continue to meet myself with grace, in order to turn outward and meet others where they are at.  To continue to push past wanting to separate myself from other white people, and continue to find deeper wells of empathy, knowing the deep patterns and reasons that are within me, and therefore relevant and present for others.  Being present in anti racism, is being able to hold the both/and and multiple, complex truths that are constantly playing out at the same time. -Whats the belief behind that statement?-I once thought this, now I think this…-Where did you hear that? Or learn that?-Tell me more about... “The first task of whites in these struggles is to be vocal and visible.” Anne braden BUBBLESIs in the bubbling awareness and knowledge. What are you doing here? What don’t I know? Where have I been? And where do i need to be more honest about truth and history. Of the United states. Of my family and lineage. Of my own experience in this world.In order to move forward into something new, we must know where we have been. You don’ t know what you don’t know.  However, choosing to move away from willful ignorance and the denial of history and historical context that shapes racial dynamics in our world today, is a huge piece to white folks racial identity development.  One, to acknowledge and know the way race is present in today's systems, and social narratives, therefore in us.  And two, to build confidence (and get used to not knowing) around language, ideas, and ultimately mistakes.  As well as the trap doors and distractions/patterns that confuse and keep white folks away from staying engaged. We’ve been carefully taught to want to stay away from the subject of race.  The truth is hidden so that we stay complicit.  And so we must let it be seen in order to release the tension and pop the bubble of lies.  You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,You’ve got to be taught from year to yearIt’s got to be drummed in your dear little earYou’ve got to be carefully taught-You’ve got to be carefully taught, South Pacific In a sense, the battle is and always has been a battle for the hearts and minds of white people in this country. The fight against racism is not something we’re called on to help people of color with.  We need to become involved as if our lives depended on it because, in truth, they do.” —Anne BradenHEALor self healing, (is) within your body. Your being. Your self. Where do I want to be? What do you want? And what is ready to be let go and named? What is familiar and how will I be and do differently?As I continued to practice and build up my communication skills and ability to navigate conversations around systems of oppression, I also continued to consume content, and put myself in spaces where I grew in my knowledge, awareness of nuance, built relationships, witnessed multiple perspectives and storytelling and and leaned into humble confidence in my knowledge about intersectionality and the anti blackness/racist history of this country and the world. In my experience, what has given me the ability to navigate myself and others in this ongoing learning and journey has been multiple modalities of healing. Trauma informed talk therapy, tapping, coaching, energy healing, energy reading, enneagram awareness. Have all been ways for me to better know myself and my patterns.  To integrate and synthesize what I have learned, and give myself permission to always come back and try, try again.  To come back to and stay open to the constant opportunities for new growth and understanding.  It has been compared to peeling layers of an onion.  Peeling of layers of conditioning, in order to come back to our true authentic self, beyond past trauma and hurt. Beyond past denial and ignorance.  Finding ways to continue to deepen in understanding that I am human and WILL make mistakes.  But that I can learn, and choose to do differently. That I can over time build up my tolerance for discomfort, for making mistakes. Which will only continue to build up my wall of capacity, brick by brick. Resmaa Menakem calls this part, a place to metabolize, to do our reps. Energy and somatic work can parallel Love and Bubbles towards deeper and faster healing. Healing moments that can reconnect me to self, my feelings, and ultimately closer to empathy and connection. Being willing to engage with the question, how am I part of systems of oppression and what am I going to do about that today?  What is my role, capacity, will, skill and ability to do something today? What is my next right step?  What do I need?  In order to stay in this for the rest of my life? In a sad little twist, racial development is self development in many ways for white folks. Delving into my racial identity development has only opened me up to greater, and deeper healing.  And continues to shine light in corners and cracks that still need my attention and due diligence to clean up.  “When we heal our own trauma, individually and collectively, we don’t just heal our bodies. By refusing to pass on the trauma we inherited, we help heal the world...Changing the world begins with your body...This means metabolizing the trauma in our bodies.”“Healing from white-body supremacy begins with the body — your body. But it does not end there. In order to heal the collective body that is America, we also need social activism that is body centered. We cannot individualize our way out of white-body supremacy. Nor can we merely strategize our way out. We need collective action — action that heals.” — Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands

 My process and movement into somatic abolitionism has been layered in what I see now as 3 essential pillars.  They have helped me to deepen my own healing and understanding and how I coach, consult and hold other white people in doing this work.

 

LOVE

Love is in this present moment. Where am I now? Who am I? And what communication and conflict transformation skills do I need to develop?

To be able to hold folks in loving accountability in the now moment, is an act of love and a necessity in white folks ability in building capacity in this work. Deep listening, asking questions, staying in a hard conversation, not to resolve, but to be transformed.  I have had to learn to accept conflict is just part of being human.  I have had to learn how my pattern of conflict avoidance and passive aggression was learned.  And therefore, I must choose to push past the discomfort and default of not saying anything. Not speaking up for myself and my feelings, and how race does also affect me and my life.  But also not speaking up around injustice and in solidarity with those with more marginalized identities in the room.  I had to see the very dangerous dynamic that kept me quiet, unable to receive feedback and unwilling to take a risk. All at the same time, continue to meet myself with grace, in order to turn outward and meet others where they are at.  To continue to push past wanting to separate myself from other white people, and continue to find deeper wells of empathy, knowing the deep patterns and reasons that are within me, and therefore relevant and present for others.  Being present in anti racism, is being able to hold the both/and and multiple, complex truths that are constantly playing out at the same time. 

-Whats the belief behind that statement?

-I once thought this, now I think this…

-Where did you hear that? Or learn that?

-Tell me more about...

“The first task of whites in these struggles is to be vocal and visible.”  -Anne Braden 

BUBBLES

Is in the bubbling awareness and knowledge. What are you doing here? What don’t I know? Where have I been? And where do I need to be more honest about truth and history.  Of the United states. Of my family and lineage. Of my own experience in this world.

In order to move forward into something new, we must know where we have been. You don’ t know what you don’t know.  However, choosing to move away from willful ignorance and the denial of history and historical context that shapes racial dynamics in our world today, is a huge piece to white folks racial identity development.  One, to acknowledge and know the way race is present in today's systems, and social narratives, therefore in us.  And two, to build confidence (and get used to not knowing) around language, ideas, and ultimately mistakes.  As well as the trap doors and distractions/patterns that confuse and keep white folks away from staying engaged. We’ve been carefully taught to want to stay away from the subject of race.  The truth is hidden so that we stay complicit.  And so we must let it be seen in order to release the tension and pop the bubble of lies.

In a sense, the battle is and always has been a battle for the hearts and minds of white people in this country. The fight against racism is not something we’re called on to help people of color with.  We need to become involved as if our lives depended on it because, in truth, they do.” —Anne Braden

HEAL

or self healing, (is) within your body. Your being. Your self. Where do I want to be? What do you want? And what is ready to be let go and named? What is familiar and how will I be and do differently?

As I continued to practice and build up my communication skills and ability to navigate conversations around systems of oppression, I also continued to consume content, and put myself in spaces where I grew in my knowledge, awareness of nuance, built relationships, witnessed multiple perspectives and storytelling and and leaned into humble confidence in my knowledge about intersectionality and the anti blackness/racist history of this country and the world. 

In my experience, what has given me the ability to navigate myself and others in this ongoing learning and journey has been multiple modalities of healing. Trauma informed talk therapy, tapping, coaching, energy healing, energy reading, enneagram awareness. Have all been ways for me to better know myself and my patterns.  To integrate and synthesize what I have learned, and give myself permission to always come back and try, try again.  To come back to and stay open to the constant opportunities for new growth and understanding.  It has been compared to peeling layers of an onion.  Peeling of layers of conditioning, in order to come back to our true authentic self, beyond past trauma and hurt. Beyond past denial and ignorance.  Finding ways to continue to deepen in understanding that I am human and WILL make mistakes.  But that I can learn, and choose to do differently. That I can over time build up my tolerance for discomfort, for making mistakes. Which will only continue to build up my wall of capacity, brick by brick. Resmaa Menakem calls this part, a place to metabolize, to do our reps. Energy and somatic work can parallel Love and Bubbles towards deeper and faster healing. Healing moments that can reconnect me to self, my feelings, and ultimately closer to empathy and connection. Being willing to engage with the question, how am I part of systems of oppression and what am I going to do about that today?  What is my role, capacity, will, skill and ability to do something today? What is my next right step?  What do I need?  In order to stay in this for the rest of my life? In a sad little twist, racial development is self development in many ways for white folks. Delving into my racial identity development has only opened me up to greater, and deeper healing.  And continues to shine light in corners and cracks that still need my attention and due diligence to clean up. 

“When we heal our own trauma, individually and collectively, we don’t just heal our bodies. By refusing to pass on the trauma we inherited, we help heal the world...Changing the world begins with your body...This means metabolizing the trauma in our bodies.”

“Healing from white-body supremacy begins with the body — your body. But it does not end there. In order to heal the collective body that is America, we also need social activism that is body centered. We cannot individualize our way out of white-body supremacy. Nor can we merely strategize our way out. We need collective action — action that heals.”

— Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands

I was first an Artist & Teacher.  Through Spiritual Awakening & Self Development (mind - body - spirit) + Racial Identity Development, I became an Activist & Healer.  And now I am all of these, stepping forward into integration (head - heart - gut) and intention.

I taught K-12 art for 10 years.  Working at 5 different schools.  The last school I was at, was where I started my racial development.  And experienced an incredible growth cycle.  

*When I say Bubbles in the Hallway, or room for Bubbles, I am referencing a specific moment. 

The story goes like this...
It was towards the end of the school year.  I had been bringing my art classes outside to do my annual end of the year unit of Chalk art and Tape murals.  I would bring bottles of bubbles outside with us, as a fun element while we were working.  One of my students, a Black female, carried a bottle of bubbles in with her, as we reentered the school to head back to my room.  My room is no more than 50 feet from the front entrance.  Where the main offices are.  Class was still in session, so no one was in the hallway, except for my students and some adults passing through.  The Black, female student was still blowing bubbles, as she walked to my room from the outside to the inside.  A white female adult in the building, happened to see her, and decided it was necessary to stop her from blowing bubbles.  Because, it was a “safety hazard.”  “Some one could slip you know.”  Literally 10 steps into the building.  20 steps from my classroom.  This interaction happened.  It was in that moment, after all I had learned about race and systems and power dynamics.  That that interaction.  Felt insurmountable.  Jesus.  We can’t even have bubbles.  Or fun.  Or joy.  While in the institution of public school.  

So “Bubbles in the Hallway” represented (and still does for me) the oppressive systems in our lives.  The white supremacy system of politeness and rightness and can’t do that here.  Bubbles to me represent innocence, joy, fun and our innate humanity and dignity.  No bubbles for that student.  No bubbles for you.  No bubbles for me.  No bubbles for us.  NO BUBBLES IN THE HALLWAY.

I now have a tattoo with 5 different bubbles on my right thigh, that represents each school/district and that moment, that I realized…I can’t be in this any more.  I must find a different way to influence.  To liberate myself, and others.  And find ways and spaces that encourage, have space for, want to cultivate, bubbles in the hallway.  Or at least help steer folks towards wanting bubbles, that they deserve, desire and possibly just need permission to break free from conditioning, to even see “bubbles” as an option.

And so, LoveBubblesHeal is my framework in which I have found meaning and healing in my life.

These 3 pillars have been the base of my own experience, and therefore are the foundation of what I offer to my coaching and energy healing clients.

 

Bubbles aren’t the only thing that have meaning to me. You will see hearts, and more specifically, heart rocks used in my images and as a general theme. I see hearts. I find hearts. Spirit comes to me in the form of hearts.

It was in 2011 that I found my very first heart rock., during one of my summer visits home from Norway. The smooth, pink heart rock was on a path next to Rock Creek, near Missoula, Montana. My mom and I had driven up the for an evening pass at finding huckleberries to pick. That heart rock inspired an IG account and Etsy shop that is now Love Rock Residue. A creation of mixed media greeting cards and art/photography. Love Bubbles Heal would not exist with out Love Rock Residue. Love Rock Residue was the start of a creation process, a journey towards healing and ultimately my first pass at entrepreneurship. I’ve now over time found hundreds more hearts and heart rocks, taken photos of even more, and now relish when people in my life send me photos of hearts. To me it’s a form of proof of how our actions truly are the pebbles that cause ripples and influence our sphere of people around us.